Uh yeah

So, almost a year later and here I am.

Again.

But this time with some good news. Shall we start with the not-so-good news though?

Ok.

Since last April, I am pretty sure I have gained weight.

And I will be brutally honest: By December 2007, I had reached 220lbs on my 5'8 frame.

Yikes.

I know.

How did I get this way? Where is the girl that loved to run, lift weights, and do kickboxing? What happened to the girl that was so full of life she didn't eat out of boredom or sadness?

Well, that girl is gone and now this woman has to figure out a way to make it work for who I am now.

And I think I am slowly getting there.

I have lost 10 lbs since December, so I am currently at 210lbs. And my next goal is to get below 200lbs, by the end of May.

I have been using a website called fitday.com to track my calories I ingest and burn. But the food options are limited and I think I found a better one, but I can't remember the name of it now. When I do, I will post a review about it.

Also, my main goal is to KEEP MOVING. You'd think this would seem easy. And lately it has been for me. But when depression hits, moving is the last thing you want to do. The good thing is that if I keep moving now, the depression seems to be kept at bay.

The main thing I still need to work on is portion control. My husband, who is 5'8 but probably about 75lbs lighter than me and all lean muscle mass, needs the portions he doles out for himself. And when we dish out our food, equality seems to be the way to go. But I just can't do that anymore. I need to have at least 10% less than what he is having. And it doesn't help that I eat way too fast and he eats way too slow. So lately, instead of watching him eat more food and wishing I had some, I get up, put my dishes in the sink and WALK AWAY. I hate leaving him alone at the table, but I have to walk away, otherwise I go back for seconds, when truthfully, my first serving was too big.

It would help if I ate slower, but that is going to take more practice and patience than I thought.

Which is a good thing to talk about I think.

Why is it so hard for me to eat slower? I mean, it seems like it would be a super easy thing to do, but it's. So. Hard.

Is it habit or some emotional thing? Do I get bored? Am I not chewing enough? Should I set down my fork? Should I take a drink of water between every bite? Gah, you wouldn't think it would take this much effort, but it does.

It's years of eating too fast that I have to break. The mental pathways are so set that the ridges go deep and I have to climb out of the trenches first before even thinking about setting a new path first.

I remember being younger and we would be watching TV or doing homework, waiting for dinner to be ready. And, of course, dinner would be ready during my favorite show! It didn't matter if it was or not, at that moment, it was my favorite show.
So, we would run to the dinner table, scarf down our food and run back to the TV.

We really didn't watch a lot of TV when I was little. I was always outside. Or running, I was a competitive runner from age 7 to age 15. So I was always training.

And I was also training myself to eat fast.

Eventually we started eating dinner in the living room, but they still went by fast.

And the lunch break at my job in Austin is only 30 minutes long, so by the time you get your food and sit down, you only have 15 minutes to eat.

So yeah. There goes. 20 years of habitually eating fast, combined with current habits equals eating slower is definitely going to take a while.

But we're getting there.